Shortage of Confidence

I am back from my fabuloso motorcycle trip and have been to class twice and one long practice.  And I just thought you might all want to know that I SUCK.

I still can’t skate on outside edges.   I NEED OUTSIDE EDGES.  My figures look like I just started skating yesterday.  I am not exaggerating for comic effect, I swear.  Other parts of skating are progressing nicely, like learning the steps to a new dance or  my Mohawk turns, but these edges are, as you can see from my liberal use of capslock, KILLING ME.

According to Big D, it’s a matter of confidence.   And I don’t seem to have any.  I have always been able to push past fear and I was always proud of that trait (well, if you don’t count spiders, because it only makes sense to be afraid of those freaky eight-legged motherfuckers who clearly have it in for us).  I jumped off the high dive when I was 7, even though I though I was going to die.  I  spoke up to the boss at my high school job at the movie theater after he made another employee cry.  I asked guys out on dates.  Including the guy I am married to.

But this fear, this nameless fear of falling? Being off balance? Nothing?  This unreasonable, stupid, irrational fear is getting in my way and I am having a hard time getting past it.  I know I just have to keep at it and I will.

In the meantime, if you have any spare confidence, send some my way. I am back at the rink tomorrow and will be using all I got.




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2 Responses to Shortage of Confidence

  1. Laraine says:

    I say, find all the padded clothing, elbow and knee pads, helmet and shoulder pads, that you can pile onto your little self, and then go for it, go all out, let yourself fall and get up again until you feel the freedom of the edge . . . easy for me to say, ’cause I’m not the one making the attempt. But, it’s my best offering to you brave soul!!

  2. HR says:

    I wish I could offer you all of the loads of extra confidence I have hanging around, but I don’t have enough myself. Like you, there are about a million ways I have been fearless in my life when confronting outside obstacles. But when the obstacle is myself, I freeze up. It’s actually getting in the way of my work. How do we find this confidence? Why did it all get sucked away in the first place? Well, I’m off to put in another low-self-esteem day at work. Good luck at the rink, and please let me know if you have any epiphanies while finding your outside edge. You are one of my heroes. xox

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