Not About Skating, Really

Technology did NOT make my life easier last night.  Since Mr. Red is off  riding a brand-new Harley Elctraglide through stunning scenery working hard on journalism in Washington state this week,  we were going to miss out on one of the cornerstones of our marriage, watching Survivor together. Laugh if you want, but Mark Burnett is a freaking GENIUS and last night was the season premiere.  Life is not the same when we can’t critique the contestants’ various personal and sartorial failings together.

I suggest I set up my iPad and we skype while we watched.   How brilliant am I?  We would be virtually together, and I would get to play with my new toy piece of technology.  The following is how the evening went down and is 100% true.

7:00pm  I sit down to dinner.

7:01pm  Mr. Red calls to check on our connection.  I stop eating, go get the iPad. I see my face on the screen as we connect, and am horrified by how many chins I suddenly seem to have.

7:02pm I bring the iPad into he living room, with stops to try to get our dogs and cats to look at Mr. Red’s face on screen so he can say hello.

7:15pm We discover the WiFi in the living room makes the connection kinda jerky and annoying.  Mr. Red goes off to eat and I plan to hook up to our other WiFi thingie.

7:18-7:28  I gobble down dinner, so I can get ready for the broadcast.

7:30-7:40pm  I try to get the other WiFi connection to work but am unable.  I give up to turn to more pressing matters.

7:40-7:50pm  I decide the lighting is what is giving me the Jabba the Hutt look onscreen, and try to figure out a fix.  I  flip switches and keep checking how I look onscreen.  I finally move one of the lights from the mantel to the floor, praying the cats don’t knock it over.

7:50-7:56pm I run in to brush my hair and decide, hell,  I might as well put some make-up on.

7:56pm I sit down to start and realize to my horror that it’s not the lighting, it’s the ANGLE that’s wrong.

7:56-7:59 I experiment with the couch pillows to find the right height to rest the iPad on, coming up with optimum one-fat-fuzzy-one-small-pillow configuration.

8:00pm Mr Red calls in. I answer in an ultra-casual manner.  He looks adorable. I turn the show on.  Thanks to modern technology, we are watching together!

8:01pm Our connection cuts out.

8:02pm We try again, but the picture freezes every few seconds and the sound cuts out.  I hold the phone up to the screen, in hopes that Mr. Red knows I will call him.  I am dimly aware that there is a program on TV, but am unable to pay any attention to it.

8:03pm I call Mr. Red and say we can skype during commercials. I hang up and settle in to watch the show, happy in the knowledge that at least we are enjoying the same fantastic piece of reality television.

8:05pm Mr. Red calls, the cable at his hotel as gone out.  He can’t see the show. He nobly implores me to keep watching on my own, but I demur.

8:06pm  Our adventure in technology is over.

I will watch it with him when he gets back on Saturday. We can trust TiVo….I hope.

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3 Responses to Not About Skating, Really

  1. HA! We were in the same house together and it didn’t go much better (barking dog/cranky kids/tired parents). Being a family is harder than it looks – for both of us 🙂

  2. L. Crampton says:

    Mean old technology.

    I admire your creativity and determination, and hope that TiVo carries through!

  3. Sara says:

    Hahahaha. Very fun read. You guys are so cute.

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